Joey, John and Vitesse Arnhem

Vitesse Arnhem  2  Fortuna Sittard  1

Eredivise

There are certain TV moments that can create playground hysteria, in the sense that from the moment the school gates open, for days afterwards they are both replicated and talked about.

Two particular moments from my Primary School days stand out a mile. The first, and this is not something to be proud of, was the moment Joey Deacon appeared on Blue Peter.  The number of ‘Joey’s’ that suddenly appeared in the playgrounds around the UK must have gone through the stratosphere.

Then of course we had John, John with Tourette’s Syndrome, and I can only imagine that the number of schoolkids reprimanded for spontaneous offensive language must have been be ridiculous. I’m not sure how many Mother’s were greeted with John’s famous line ‘Mum you slut’ either, but slapped arse's would have been very much on the rise after that now legendary programme.

Then of course, you grow up, a bit, and you get to Sixth Form. Vic Reeves was the order of the day, as was the Mary Whitehouse Experience, but, in a small corner of Alfreton, one morning after Sportsnight, we’d found something new, something that for at least week was going to change the way we celebrated goals when playing football!

It would have been the November of 1990 and Dundee United were playing Dutch outfit Vitesse Arnhem in the UEFA Cup. 1-0 down from the first leg in Arnhem, the return in Tannadice saw the hosts get smashed 4-0, but it wasn’t the goals that stuck in the memory, it was the goal celebrations.

I will try to explain.

It works a bit like this, two players run towards each other until side by side, then simultaneously they lean forward with right arm outstretched and right leg raised. The right hand would then grab the right foot of the other player, with the other player repeating the same.

Not exactly in the top ten of goal celebrations, hardly the dentist’s chair or the robot, but, as I walked into the Common Room the following morning, my eyes caught those of Lee Olney’s, and without prompt we said the words “Vitesse Arnhem” and the celebration was replicated, which then happened at regular intervals for the following days and weeks.

When the football weekend first came to fruition, it was the first time I’d ever been over to Theo’s place, which was only a short drive from Arnhem, the home of Vitesse. On our first trip we saw Vitesse beat Heracles Almelo 5-1, and since then we’ve been a further four times, seeing PSV Eindhoven in the Dutch Cup, plus Go Ahead Eagles and FC Utrecht.

Vitesse are a club that have never looked like winning the Eredivisie, despite coming from the biggest City in Holland outside of Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Eindhoven. Arguably, if the likes of Twente Enschede and AZ Alkmaar can win the league, then there is no reason why Russian backed Arnhem can’t.

It’s not likely to happen in the near future though because the club is essentially the nursery club for Chelsea. Each season they have young players on loan from the London giants, last season in fact Mason Mount played for Vitesse, he now plays for Derby County and was recently named in the England squad.

What they do manage to achieve though is qualification for Europe.  The 1990’s saw regular participation in the UEFA Cup, with my favourites Derry City being beaten twice, and two quarter final places being best performances, losing to Real Madrid in one.

The Noughties were a bit leaner but in 2002-03 they did reach the Third Round to lose out to Liverpool, while in 2016-17 they won the Dutch Cup, beating AZ in the Final in Rotterdam. The Europa League has been qualified for five times in the last seven seasons, so if anything they are consistently not quite good enough to win the league!

Having spent the previous evening watching De Graafschap beat Excelsior 4-1, and at the same time witnessing the unveiling of the largest banner ever seen at a football game, which stretched around three sides of the pitch, on the Sunday morning it was time for the last game of the trip, a trip to the Gelredome.

Theo had managed to organise some Business Club tickets, like he had the night before at De Graafschap, which meant a free bar, food, and a lovely cushioned seat! The stadium is impressive, with four large seated stands of a similar design, while it also has a roof on it, although this is never used for the football. The pitch is also retractable, so between games it can be rolled outside the stadium to care for and ensure it gets the maximum exposure to sunlight. Of course, with the stadium also used regularly for concerts, it prevents any undue damage to the playing surface.

The crowd was way below capacity, it can hold over 24,000 spectators but for a Sunday morning game against the newly promoted visitors from the South of the Country, it was only around half full. The atmosphere was also a little muted, again compared to the previous evening where it had been superb.

The game wasn’t the greatest spectacle, Vitesse sat in mid-table while Fortuna were just below them. The opening goal came in the 12^th minute when Maikel van der Werff found the net, and from that point onwards the hosts were the dominant side. However, as the game moved into injury time at the end of the first period and we were contemplating the next free Heineken, Andre Vidigal scored from close range.

The winning goal came in the 66^th minute when the Slovakian Matus Bero found the net, and from that juncture the result was pretty much in the bag. Fortuna just didn’t have the quality to beat the side managed by former Hull City boss Leonid Slutskiy.

It was a sharp exit after the game back to base as the Ajax v Feyenoord game was live on television, which turned out to be an easy home win, while following that we saw Barcelona demolish Real Madrid.

The Football Weekend had drawn to a close once again, and by Monday evening the clothes were in the washing machine. It was time to reflect on another superb week with fantastic company, watching some great football in some great locations.

The goal celebrations weren’t up to 1990’s standard though, sadly…