Epworth Town Colts 5 Retford United Development 2
Central Midlands League – Division One North
Sheridan Smith OBE is one of the finest talents currently
performing on stage and screen.
The 37 year old is famous for her work in shows such as ‘The
Royle Family’, ‘Benidorm’, ‘Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps ’ and
‘Gavin & Stacey’. Deserved critical acclaim came Sheridan’s way after
starring in ‘Cilla’ and ‘The Moorside’ amongst others, while this year she
played a dark yet funny role in ‘The More You Ignore Me’, a film about a Mother
and Daughter obsession with Morrissey. Oh, and she can sing, bloody well in
fact, having been nominated twice this year for a BRIT Award.
So how the hell have I managed to link Sheridan Smith to a
blog report on a Central Midlands League game played in the North Lincolnshire
town of Epworth?
Easy really, you see Ms Smith was born and raised in
Epworth, and in fact went to school at the South Axholme Academy, which so
happens to be precisely where Epworth Town Colts play their homes game. Anyway,
back to the football for the time being….
Colts were elected members of the newly formed Division One
North at the start of the season, along with fellow Scunthorpe League side, and
neighbours, Crowle Colts. With the weather set fair and some positive tweets
from the club about the fixture, it was time to make the hour long journey via
the M1, M18 and M180 to the Isle of Axholme.
Upon arriving at the Academy, around an hour before
kick-off, I was in something of a muddle. You see, if you wander from the car
park round the North edge of the campus you find some sports pitches, one of
which was marked out for football, complete with corner flags, ‘Respect’ tape and
warm up cones on the surface. That all boded well for what was about to happen,
except, I couldn’t see anyone, there was no sign of any life whatsoever? I had
a wander down the side of the college and found nothing, so went back to the
car park.
It was then that I saw a chap wandering about with a sports
bag over his shoulder, but he also had the tell-tale sign of wearing a tie,
this, quite simply, had to be the referee. I chose to follow him, he ended up
in the sports centre next door, and as he came out of the building looking
somewhat bewildered, I decided to engage in conversation.
He was indeed the referee, he too was lost and confused, but
he had been pointed in a specific direction for the changing rooms and such
like, so, I followed. It was just as we approached a building that had a plaque
with the clubs name on it visible through the window, that we saw Retford
United running out onto the pitch to warm up. With no refreshments available,
it was time for a quick walk down the road to the White Bear, but, more on that
later.
Epworth went into the game with a won four, lost four
record, but, last weekend they too a right slamming in the cup at Bakewell
Town, losing 11-0. Retford on the other hand sat fourth from bottom with only
two wins this season, but one of them came last weekend when they won 9-1
against AFC Bentley. If anything it suggested goals!
The pitch sits at the very back of the complex, lined on two
sides by tall trees, with housing on a third side and the college buildings on
the fourth. The dressing rooms are a good distance away and that may hold back
the clubs progression in years to come.
Otherwise, on a lovely Autumnal day, we were treated to an entertaining
spectacle, which saw the hosts take a two goal lead, before visiting Retford
equalised straight from a corner. Epworth then scored a third goal, and in the
process of this the Retford goalkeeper suffered an injury and couldn’t
continue.
This was pivotal, because almost straight from the kick off
Epworth scored a fourth goal, followed by a fifth to leave the half time score
an incredible 5-1.
Retford steadied the ship somewhat in the second period and
did pull another goal back, but Epworth also saw substitute Billy Ball
dismissed following his involvement in an on-field altercation that at one
point looked like it could get out of hand.
No more goals followed, but it ended up being a deserved
three points for the hosts. Noel Burdett was the Epworth hero, netting a fine
hat-trick, with the other goals coming from William Gravil and Harrison Coley.
So, onto the pub, The White Bear, a lovely venue, a short
meander from South Axholme Academy itself, but let me describe the conversation…
“Can I have a pint of lager, and a packet of cheese and
onion crisps please?”
I was met with..
“I’m sorry sir, we don’t do bar snacks.”
What? No bar snacks? Call yourself a pub?
Sheridan, next time you are back in Epworth you need to use
your influence, can you nip in and have a quiet word in someone’s ear? It’s
just not the Archer under Runcorn Bridge
is it?
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