The Best You Ever Had

Albion Rovers  0  University of Stirling  1

Lowland Football League

Admission / Programme - £11 / £2.50

If someone had asked me a couple of months ago, which ground I would most like to revisit should the opportunity arise, I would have said the Cliftonhill home of Albion Rovers.

That’s right, the very same Albion Rovers who were statistically the worst team last season in the Scottish Football League, to be replaced in the Second Division by The Spartans who beat them in a two legged play off.

I took in a visit to Cliftonhill back in March 2022, they got spanked 4-1 by Annan Athletic, and I bloody loved the whole experience, but rather than recount the experience of the first visit, let’s go with the more recent one, because to be honest it doesn’t differ any!

Before we go on to describe a night in Coatbridge, let’s talk a bit more about the life and times of Albion Rovers Football Club. Founded in 1882, following a merger of Albion FC and Rovers FC, success has been fairly minimal, they’ve won promotion six times from the bottom tier of Scottish football, winning the league title on three occasions, most recently in 2014-15.

The last decade or so has been a pretty memorable one for Rovers in terms of highs and lows. In 2011-12 they won promotion from the bottom tier via the Play Off’s after finishing in second place. The final saw a victory away at Annan Athletic which prompted wild scenes of celebration on the pitch, while the 2014-15 promotion, which was secured with a victory at Clyde, saw them embark on a three season spell in League One until relegation struck.

Since that demotion life has been pretty tough, with relegation from the Scottish League into the Lowland League confirmed last season via the aforementioned clash with Spartans.

To get to Cliftonhill, it’s a twenty minute or so train journey from the lower level at Glasgow Queen Street, to Coatdyke, which sits to the East of the centre of Coatbridge. A walk down the gentle incline from the railway station stakes you to the main road that runs into town, with the first port of call being the obligatory pint or two in Owens Bar, a very nice establishment. Once you exit Owens a short walk for just a couple of minutes down the road brings Cliftonhill upon you on the right hand side.

The entrance to the ground is quite an impressive and imposing sight, with an incline up to the turnstiles and the large rear fascia to the main stand painted in the club colours of red and yellow. The pitch itself is quite a bit higher than the level of the road, so once through the turnstiles you walk up a flight of stairs at the end of the stand and it brings you out onto the wide open spaces.

So why is Cliftonhill such football ground pornography? For a start, one end is out of bounds and is just a curved grass bank, while the huge terracing on the far side from the main stand is also not accessible for spectators?

Well, I’ve partly answered it! The ground is a collection of structures and features that are both charming and wonderfully decrepit at the same time. You have to remember this was once a speedway track, so from an expanse point of view it’s a pretty big footprint.  

Let’s start with the side where you enter the ground, as I said, an imposing main stand sits at the top of the slope, and this is made up of some wooden seats, with a paddock style terracing area in front of it, with a clear distinction between the roof over the seats, and that over the terracing which clearly shows that the terrace area roofing was a later addition.

The dressing rooms and office sit in the bowels of the stand, and even though it’s not the biggest of structures above pitch level, as the rear sinks well below the pitch, I can imagine it’s pretty spacious.

Moving round anti-clockwise you’ve got the award winning tea bar / pie shop, and then as you go behind the goal you have some new terracing known as the Airdrie End, simply because if you carry on from the terracing in an Easterly direction you will arrive in Airdrie, which of course from a footballing point of view, are the deadly rivals.

Moving onto the side opposite the main stand is perhaps my favourite feature, a long bank of steep terracing running the length of the pitch, with a cover running virtually the length of terracing, with just small areas at either ends exposed to the elements. As I said earlier though, sadly it’s out of bounds so you cannae use it, but it does look proper old school fantastic.

Then at the Coatbridge End you have the aforementioned area of open space that is the biggest nod to the speedway days with the curved grass banking behind it, again out of bounds and probably the home of several yet unidentified species! If you then carry on round to the main stand side you have a club shop and what looks like some kind of community building, which in reality is a portakabin.

Oh, then there’s the floodlights, which look like they’ve been made from the framework of cranes, with a rack of bulbs placed on top, you don’t see many like that, but again, they look great and just add to the aesthetic beauty of the place.

It’s a simply wonderful arena, I love it and I know many others do as well. I’ve said this before, twenty years ago the place would have been described as a shithole, but nowadays as thoughts and opinions change, it’s thought of as an iconic masterpiece, a nod to the 70’s, a time when football was proper and good, something to be preserved and cherished. I’ve been to the Stirling Albion’s, St Mirren’s, Hamilton Accies, and to be honest, as nice as they are, they are just simply boring. Give me Albion Rovers and Greenock Morton any day over them.

Crowds are not huge at Cliftonhill, and probably less since they dropped out of the Scottish League, and while they languish in the lower reaches of the Lowland League, they do have games in hand so a victory over the University of Stirling would have done them a power of good.

The visitors scored after thirty seconds with a well taken low shot, and then, to be fair, not an awful lot really happened throughout the rest of the game. Stirling had got the lead, they were happy, Albion put the shift in, ran at them, harassed them and did what they could, but clear cut chances were kind of non-existent.

The train back to Glasgow is at ten to ten, so with game finishing close to twenty to ten these days, it’s a bit of a jog at the final whistle, and I wasn’t alone in trotting down the road, but we all made it with a minute or so to spare, which in turn meant an exit into Queen Street at around quarter past ten.

So, twice visited, twice fantastic, and you know what, if the opportunity arises, I’d go a third time. If you haven’t been yourself, I would strongly recommend it, a super club, with a real loyal but small support base, and a cracking stadium to go with it.

It doesn’t really matter that historically, they’re not really very good at football!

Gregs

Manchester Gregorians  0  Elton Vale  4

Manchester Football League – Premier Division

Admission / Programme – No / No

I’m sat looking at Futbology, marvelling at all the Step 7 leagues appearing on the app, and furthermore, feeling quite smug about all the leagues that I’ve completed!

Up pops the Manchester Football League and all of a sudden I’m in a quandary, where the hell is Ashton on Mersey School & Leisure Centre, and, is that some kind of mistake as far as Manchester Gregorians go?

I know the Gregs have been a bit nomadic over the years, but they only moved to Rushford Park last year, which I thought was a fine little venue, so surely not another move? Nope, they’ve moved again it seems, and I can’t recall if it’s the third or possibly the fourth place they’ve played at since I’ve been following the Manc League, but anyway, as a result, a trip to South Manchester (or Cheshire is you prefer) beckoned.

We had some Dutch friends over the other week, and I was telling them about the logistical tribulations of getting from our place to Manchester. Clearly no motorway, unless you tunnelled through a mountain, and no matter what route you take, either A6 direct, Via Gellia, the new airport link road, Glossop and Hyde, you name it, it makes no difference, the 50 or so miles is going to take anything between an hour and three quarters to two hours in a car. Not an unpleasant journey from a scenery perspective, but crikey, it can’t half drag, especially the final twenty miles or so.

I chose to go up to Disley picking the Via Gellia road and then the A6, before taking a left on to the A555 which is more commonly referred to as the ‘new airport road’. All was good until I tried to get off of it and onto the A34, I must have spent fifteen minutes trying to get round a frigging roundabout, before finally escaping and trundling along to the M60.

The M60 was only a short run before dropping South again into Sale, I place I have visited twice in the past, once for a work meeting when I think I set off the night before to arrive for 9am, and the other time for a Swinton Lions Rugby League game, as they play their home fixtures at the Sale (Sharks) Rugby Club, a smart ground on Heywood Road that the club left when they got into the Premiership, choosing to play at the more modern and spacious facilities in the vicinity, namely Edgeley Park, and then the Salford Community Stadium.

Sale, now that’s a place where you need a few quid to reside, and over 50,000 punters do just that. Having done my homework on the place, you will be fascinated to know that the population of Sale has a much lower percentage than the national average when it comes to the number of adults with no academic qualifications, whereas the percentage of adults with a University degree is much higher in Sale than it is in Manchester as a whole. 

Originally a working class town, Sale has seen a significant influx of middle class residents. So much so that the percentage of working class residents in the town sits at 15%, while it’s 26% nationwide. Finally, thanks to Wikipedia who so far has provided me with lots of info, Sale has really good schools, better than most places, and one of them in particular, serves as the new home of Manchester Gregorians!

You won’t be surprised to know that the area where the school / ground is located, is very nice, in fact, as the name of the school would suggest, it’s an area of Sale known as Ashton on Mersey. The school sits on Cecil Avenue and once in the car park, you have to enter through the doors of the sports centre, before heading out to the back where the numerous sports pitches sit. The football pitch the club use sits in the very Northern corner of the grassed area, which in effect is pyramid shaped if you look at a map. I’ll be honest, I was expecting a 4G / 3G surface as is often the case these days with schools and leisure centres, so to find a grass pitch with no restrictive perimeter fencing came as a pleasant surprise.

The rains did fall quite heavily at times, the pitch itself was fine, but with no cover at the school, the best option was the trees behind the goal, which given their size, provided some much needed shelter for those of us of the forgetting the umbrella mind set!

Gregs had not had the best of seasons up until that point, sitting bottom of the table having lost seven of their nine games, and with Elton Vale only having lost one of their six games, you did feel an away win was on the cards, and that proved to be the case as the Bury based visitors had a reasonably comfortable day.

Bailey Dawes opened the scoring in the tenth minute, before Joshua Stansfield made it two and Dawes again bagged the third just before the break. Gregs shored things up in the second period but the fourth goal came in the 83^rd minute when Oliver Scott scored. A decent sprinkling of spectators rocked up to watch, with a fair few having travelled anti-clockwise round the M60.

Sale was escaped in quick time and the journey outbound did pass more smoothly than the inbound variant. Before the full times had blown in the 3pm games (Gregs had been 2pm) I was well on the way down the A6 and in the vicinity of Buxton.

Something tells me though, at some point relatively soon, I’ll be back treading the well worn paths to Manchester, somebody, somewhere will get itchy feet, and those 50 miles will once again seem like 100!!

Hammer Time

Hemington Hammers  2  Tollerton  0

East Midlands Public Authorities League – Premier Division

Admission / Programme – No / No

Hemington Hammers is a simply wonderful name for a football club!

Whoever came up for it deserves some kind of award in the King’s Honours List…I mean, what brilliance to avoid the likes of ‘Town’ ‘United’ ‘Rangers’ and ‘Rovers’ and just throw in ‘Hammers’ instead.

Now then, you probably would get questioned in you used the suffix ‘Screwdrivers’ or ‘Monkey Wrenches’, that might be a stretch too far, but the name Hammers is brilliant, I liked them before I even paid them a visit!

Paying them a visit, now that wasn’t all that simple it seemed.

They joined the Midlands Regional Alliance at the start of last season, and having never played in Saturday football before I was all excited about the fact that they would be playing games at Hemington Lane, only to find that they were going to be spending the season in Castle Donington.

I’ve been to the two grounds that are commonly used in Castle Donington, namely Moira Dale and Spital Park, so they went off the radar, but then at the start of the current campaign it was announced that they would be moving back into Hemington Lane.

Not strictly true, well not imminently that is. They had work to do at the ground in terms of building a clubhouse / dressing room complex, and until that was ready (around Christmas it seems), they would remain holed up at a school in Castle Donington.

However, I did notice that they had a Sunday side playing in the East Midlands Public Authorities League (yep, never heard of that have ya!), and it looked like they were actually using Hemington Lane even though it wasn’t yet ready for Saturday football.

A game was pencilled in, my only concern being that the venue on Full Time (Hemington Lane) was indeed correct, but the week before a ‘friend’ of mine on Futbology sent a picture of a game he attended on a Sunday, and yes, it was indeed played at Hemington Lane. All systems go, boom, and all that!

So, I’ve said the name Hemington enough so far, but where is it? Well it’s a tiny village, just off the A50 before it joins the M1, North of East Midlands Airport. When I say tiny, it’s proper tiny, a couple of roads in fact, but, they are now members of the Central Midlands Alliance League, and while the village may be tiny, the football club is very much on the radar, well, not a big radar, but a radar all the same….

I arrived at Hemington Lane about twenty minutes before the scheduled kick off, I don’t do early arrivals for morning games if I’m honest, and upon arrival I was gladdened by the sight of many cars parked up, which suggested we were good for a game. I parked on the road and asked someone who looked like they might be a footballer, if they were indeed a footballer, and they were, indeed, a footballer playing in the Hemington Hammers v Tollerton game!

You know what, it’s a bloody lovely place to watch a football match. It’s very rural, with the silence and solitude only broken by the sounds of planes taking off and landing at the airport, and especially on the day I went, motorbikes in the distance racing round Donington Park.

You enter via a small car park, and immediately in front of you is large, and presumably far from cheap, new building that I’ve already mentioned. Once complete, it’ll be a very impressive facility that looks like it will be very much a community hub.

Directly in front of this is a small sized pitch, but down to the right is the full sized pitch that the Hammers play on. Lined by trees and hedgerow on the three sides, from an aesthetic point of view it’s lovely, with the only furniture being two dugouts on the far side, and a portakabin that currently serves as changing facilities and a store room.

The pitch was in superb condition, but overall the feel was one of positivity and pride, you sense Hemington Hammers are really trying to build something for the village and the local community, and on that basis alone, I really hope they succeed.

Having never seen a game in this league, I was a little curious as to what the standard might be like, and I have to say it was very good, in fact much better than I anticipated.

It was all about the Cabbage when it came to the outcome.

Matthew ‘Cabbage’ Brian, a man very well known in local football circles, notably for his spell at Hucknall Town, scored twice for the hosts in a game of few chances, his second though was something of a ‘Worldy’ when his quick feet and agility saw him weave past a number of defenders and score. Cabbage has made no secret of his struggles via social media over the recent past and hopefully two things have happened as a result of that, firstly that he’s raised awareness, and secondly, more importantly, he’s in a better place right now.

You know what, I bloody loved my run out to the Hammers, and I would urge anyone with the opportunity to do the same.

This is a club on the up, going places, they might not go ‘big time’ but they will serve a really good purpose for all concerned.

That, should be roundly applauded.

Road Trip Season

Witham Town  1  Basildon United  5

Isthmian League – First Division North

Admission / Programme - £10 / Online

With the local stuff almost polished off bar a couple of stragglers, it’s getting to the time of season where the more challenging venues in Steps 1 to 4 fall onto the radar.

39 venues in total still to visit, so we are a few seasons away from the champagne bottle yet, however, slowly but surely that number is coming down. Saying all that, 32 teams are being promoted from Step 5 at the end of this season so I have a feeling it may be a campaign of stagnation, but either way, all good fun, and some potentially entertaining days out all the same!

Bit sized chunks, that’s how I like to go at it, so at the start of the season I formulated a list of the ten nearest to blighty to have a pop at, and, one of those clubs was Witham Town.

When I think of Witham Town I think of three things. The most banal of those three things was I remember going right past the ground on the train once when we were heading from London over to Ipswich, to watch Ipswich Town play Barnsley. Witham is on the main line to East Anglia from Stratford.

Secondly, when the Tony Kempster forum was full of people with half a brain as opposed to the dipsticks that occupy it now, there used to be a Witham Town that posted regularly, and quite angrily, about the way his club had been treated by the FA, the Isthmian League, the Essex Senior League, FIFA, the Pope, Nicholas Parsons, you name it, they had done wrong to Witham! Can’t remember the exact details but I seem to think it was a promotion denial that caused the angst.

Thirdly, I follow a chap on Twitter called James Beardwell, a lovely and remarkable fellow who suffers from Autism, Mental Health Issues and Learning Difficulties. He’s a Witham Town supporter, a very passionate one at that, and his posts on social media are entertaining, heart warming and life affirming. James received the British Empire Medal recently, for, and I think this is right, services to the public at Chelmsford Sainsbury’s during the pandemic (keeping trollies safe), and, his other claim to fame was an appearance on TV’s ‘Undateables’.

So, where is Witham?

Basically, if you happen to live in the East Midlands and fancy a trip, take the M1 down to the A14, then take that all the way to Cambridge where you join the M11. Exit the M11 at Stansted Airport and then follow the road to Braintree. When you get to Braintree head South on the road to the Notley’s, and the town arrives upon you. It’s basically to the East of Chelmsford, and kind of forms a triangle with Braintree.

Does the club have a history, well of course it does, and it goes a little something like this…

In 1971 they became founder members of the Essex Senior League, winning it at the first time of asking, albeit it was a league of just nine teams! They remained local until 1987 when another championship followed by a runners up spot saw them promoted to the Isthmian League, joining Division Two North. Restructuring and a relegation saw them drop to Division Three in 2000, and then further restructuring and a promotion saw them move into Division One North in 2006, but by 2010 they’d been relegated back to the Essex Senior again.

I think it was around this time that we had the issues, they finished runners up, then a third place with a points deduction (that may have been the issue!), before clinching the title and promotion in 2012.

The trajectory was now upwards, a play off defeat in 2013 was followed by victories over Needham Market and Harlow Town the year after, and now, the club were at Step 3.  The one and only campaign (2014-15) saw them finish in a relegation spot, and since then it’s been Division One North, and modest finishes at best.

FA competitions have seen a 5^th Round Vase defeat to Falmouth Town in 1986-87, while a 4^th Qualifying Round defeat to Weston super Mare in 2014-15 was as good as it got in the Cup. The Trophy, like for many Step 4 sides has largely been an unwanted distraction.

Upon arriving at the ground, which is located to the West of the town centre, right next to the railway line (as I’ve already noted), it was a meander up a long drive to the car park, and then in front of you is the large clubhouse. James was busy doing video interviews of fans from both clubs in the bar for his matchday vlogs, I sat down with a pint and watched Luton playing Spurs on the TV.

Once in the ground, I have to say I was very pleasantly surprised at how good it was, it exceeded what I was expecting. Behind both goals are covered terracing areas that stretch the full width of the pitch, while opposite the club house side is a seated stand on the half way line with uncovered terracing running either side of it up to the corner flags. On the clubhouse side is both a covered terracing area, and more covered seats, with a tea bar serving from the back of the club building. It was a lovely warm day as well, the pitch was in superb nick, and visiting Basildon United were well backed by a noisy following.

But what about the game, well, it didn’t go at all well if you were connected with Witham Town.

Samir Ali scored after five minutes for Basildon, and then repeated the feat on 38 minutes, by which time Witham were down to ten men after Abdul-Rasheed Ajani-Salou was deemed to have been guilty of dangerous play via a raised boot, which was a touch harsh in my view. Lewis Duberry got a third on half time and the game was effectively over.

Clyde Semazzi and Kai Brown netted the fourth and fifth goals as Basildon dominated, before Darius Ghinea grabbed a consolation goal. Parity in terms of players on the pitch was restored in added time when Alejandro Machado saw red for his part in a good sized brawl which livened up the closing stages, but it made no difference, the game had been over a long time.

James Beardwell and his merry men continued to support the team throughout the game, and fair play to them for the way they don’t turn against the side when things are not going so well. They are a credit to the club in so many ways.

A great day out on reflection, I do enjoy visiting these clubs in the higher echelons, the journey may be more cumbersome, but the experience is that bit more memorable.

So, Guernsey….?

Lockdown

Hallam  2  Frickley Athletic  0

Northern Counties East League – Premier Division

Admission / Programme - £6 / £2.50

Let’s be honest, lockdown was a bit of a bastard wasn’t it?

Life as we once knew it, blah, blah, blah – never be the same again, blah, blah, blah – the new normal, waffle, waffle, shite!

Yeah, and guess what, life is kind of the same again, and the new normal, well it’s not that different to the old normal is it?

Well, actually, in some ways, we do have a new normal. Everything costs more because we’ve got to foot the bill of lockdown, we all now feel comfortable doing video calls, and crowds at non-league football matches are now bigger than they once were!

So it wasn’t all bad after all then, not if you are running a football club.

Don’t ask me to start a long winded debate about why non-league football crowds have suddenly risen exponentially since we were liberated, the reasons are several fold, but probably the main one being it was the first type of football we were allowed to go and watch, for quite a length of time, so those who wanted their footy fix latched on to it, and have kind of never looked back.

It’s happened at my local club Belper Town, it’s happened all over the Country, and, one club where it has definitely happened is Hallam FC in Sheffield.

In 2019-20 (the Covid Season), the clubs first home league attendance was 164, the last game before lockdown drew in 229. In 2021-22, the first game drew 293, but by November crowds were regularly topping 500. By the time we were at the end of the season three times the 1000 barrier had been broken. The trend continued last season when they made a return to the Northern Counties East League Premier Division, while again this season, only a couple of months in, the average is over 500, with a seasons best so far of 611.

Don’t get me wrong, the club in terms of on the field, have been on an upwards trajectory and that of course helps, but that alone can’t be the reason why crowds have doubled and now trebled in the Sandygate area of the Steel City.

So, it was time to go and take a look, and bearing in mind the last time I set foot in the place was 2014, I was kind of wondering what might have happened to have caused so many people to make the regular pilgrimage?

Before we do that, what’s the history with the Hallamsters (in joke if you used to listen to Hallam FM)?

Well, formed in 1860 (Sheffield FC needed someone to play against), they made Sandygate their home and apparently this is acknowledged as the oldest football ground in the World. Now, I’ve seen various clubs claiming their grounds to be the ‘oldest’, ‘most continually used’, ‘oldest professional’, but I’m going with Hallam as having the oldest ground in the World, largely out of solidarity as I work in the City.

I can’t be arsed with detailing all the older history when players wore flat caps and stockings, but following the War they became members of the Yorkshire League where they remained until 1982 when they became founder members of the Northern Counties East League. They bounced around in the second and third tiers until 1987 when they won promotion to the Premier Division, and other than a short stint in the early 90’s and a slightly longer one from 2011 until 2022 when they got relegated back to the First Division, the top flight has been their home.

I first went to Sandygate in 1988, the clubs first season in the Premier Division, to see Belper Town win 3-2. My overriding memory was a sloping pitch and post-match drinks in the cricket club pavilion which sits right at the far side of the ground. I then went a few times in the 90’s, three times to be precise, and on every occasion Belper won 2-1, while one of the more memorable visits came in 2005 when I saw Sheffield FC win a feisty encounter 5-3.

Has Sandygate changed much over the passing years, or at least since my last visit? Well, alarmingly, the old pub over the road called the Plough has been flattened, that was a disappointment I have to say, but otherwise, once through the turnstiles it’s not an awful lot different.

I guess though, when you look at the Sandygate footprint, and how the ground is very much hemmed in tightly to it’s surroundings, the club is limited somewhat in terms of what it can do from a developmental perspective. Behind the goal at the Sandygate Road end, the narrow space between the pitch and the wall had been filled with a covered terrace that runs from the corner by the turnstile, up to the first goalpost. The side to the East of the ground sees a small outside bar, the nice and spacious clubhouse, a tea bar, an elevated seated stand, and some dressing rooms, all working their way down the slope to the bottom end where it’s flat standing behind the goal. The West side of the ground is out of bounds for spectators as it’s the cricket field side. But, in short, the club doesn’t have an awful lot of space left to develop, that hasn’t already been developed.

It was a wet night, and the problem with wet nights at Sandygate is that the amount of cover is limited, so you need to be out of the bar early to get your space, I was just that, out of the bar just in time to tuck myself into a space at the back of the terracing!

The place has a buzz about it, a family feel, this isn’t a shabby area of Sheffield either, the clientele who live locally, and indeed rock up to watch the football, are not that short of a shekel, if you build it, let them eat well and drink well at it, play a bit of decent football at it, then they will come and spend their well inheri….sorry, earned cash!

It’s been a decent few years on the pitch as well, let’s not forget that, and the club have certainly done a fine job in building their profile, with excellent use of social media and marketing. Hallam FC have kind of become the second favourite club of the United and Wednesday fans, again, taking advantage of the period when Bramall Lane and Hillsborough were out of bounds for a lengthy period.

So, Frickley Athletic were in town, a club who were once crowned the second best non-league team in the Country in the old Gola League days of the late eighties. And to be fair, they put up a decent show and probably on reflection felt aggrieved not to have come away from the game with something, but Hallam did them 2-0.

The first goal came on the half hour mark when the unfortunate Brandon Murillo diverted the ball past his own goalkeeper, before Danny Buttle got the second on the stroke of half time via a penalty. Frickley played well up the slope in the second period but for all of their efforts, they couldn’t find an opening.

Hallam march on, whether this is the season they make a push for the top five and a play-off spot is hard to say, the NCE Premier is a tough old gig and a fair few quid does fly about. Time will indeed tell I guess.

Lockdown eh? So much to answer for…….  

Local Politics

Mountsorrel Amateurs  2  Leicester Medics  0

Leicestershire & Rutland FA Saturday Trophy – First Round

Admission / Programme – No / No

Matters of an ecclesiastical nature had been dealt with earlier that morning, so it was time to exit the diocese of Chilwell and head South to the village of Mountsorrel, which sits on the A6 betwixt Loughborough and Leicester.

So what, pray tell, was taking us to the sleepy sanctuary that is Mountsorrel?

The Leicestershire Senior League of course, a league that at one point was a competition that produced a good number of new clubs every season, in fact one season I think it was about eight newbies, and that kept us busy until around Christmas. Nowadays things are a little more uniform in the Fosse County with the more recently formed Leicestershire County League providing a direct feeder into the LSL, so any up and coming clubs need to earn the right as opposed to just be accepted as was seemingly the case in the past.

As a result of this you might only get one or two, which is probably not a bad things as the Notts Senior League seems to have taken on the mantle of accepting any old shite these days, and that often ends badly in some cases. That said though, the LSL had a torrid time last campaign with an unusually high number of clubs withdrawing either just before the season started, or, in a few cases, during the course of the season.     

Local politics and constitutional matters to one side, Mountsorrel Amateurs earned the right to gain promotion to the LSL with a fourth placed finish in the feeder league last time out, along with second placed St Patricks. You might ask why the top side (Houghton Rangers) or indeed the third placed side (Old Aylestone) didn’t get promoted? Well, I can only assume they didn’t apply, and for that matter, maybe they didn’t want to join a league where the previous season a large numbers of clubs disappeared from view and had results expunged.

Right, Mountsorrel Amateurs, now an LSL club, playing down Little Lane at the back of the Soar Valley Leisure Centre. The ground is officially named Mountsorrel Playing Fields, and to start with, I’m going to have a whinge, about trying to drive through Loughborough on a Saturday afternoon.

Having spent what was effectively a Saturday morning at church, we exited the M1 and trundled along past the University only to hit Epinal Way and the chaos that it brings. It took an absolute age trying to get across the various roundabouts and traffic lights, before eventually heading out of the town made famous by Ladybird Books, into the more sedate areas of Quorn and Barrow Upon Soar.

Mountsorrel was accessed via the A6 and up over a humpbacked bridge which crosses the River Soar, before bringing you out on the main road. I have to say though, logistical challenges aside, it did look to be a very nice village. That said, I was talking to a colleague of mine recently who hails from Loughborough and actually lived in Mountsorrel for a period, and apparently, the residents of both Barrow and Quorn look down their noses at Mountsorrel, as not being quite as nice!

Stuff Quorn and Barrow, Steve and I thought it was nice, and once parked at the ground we had a wander round the corner for a quick pint at the Waterside Inn where some of the highest quality Carling's were on sale along with some of the quirkier brews from LSL sponsors Everards.

Suitably, refreshed, and having had a full debrief about our church related antics that morning, it was back round the corner for the big game in the Leicestershire & Rutland Saturday Trophy, where Leicester Medics were the visitors to Little Lane.

The ground is a large expanse, flanked at one end by the leisure centre and it’s facilities, it has a good sized pavilion building that houses a bar, a tea bar and of course the dressing rooms. No furniture exists around the pitch, but two sides are lined with trees, while the venue also serves as the home for the local cricket club.

The game, if we are being honest, wasn’t the greatest of spectacles, but it was competitive, with the hosts taking the lead five minutes before half time thanks to Louis Abel. The second and the decisive goal came with just ten minutes remaining when Jake Folwell netted to put Mountsorrel into the hat for the next round where a ding dong derby against neighbouring Rothley Imperials is not out of the question with them having also made progress.

As long as they don’t have to play Barrow or Quorn, could get a bit feisty!

Ecclesiastical

Trent Vineyard  2  St Albans  5

Derby Church League – Premier Division

Admission / Programme – No / No

Church football, now that’s a concept that will be lost on many I suspect?

I first discovered it when we came out of Covid lockdown, when Steve, or Socially Distanced Steve as he was referred to at the time, in his busy periods of being retired, spotted that a league existed in the locality with games being played on a Saturday morning. Games, which if planned right, could be linked up with matches on a Saturday afternoon in some of the non-ecclesiastical competitions!

I was curious, who played in a Church League, and what was the standard like?

My first venture into it was against the law, it was at Field Lane in Derby where a team called New Life played, we weren’t allowed to watch football back then unless we happened to chance upon it while walking a dog, I sought forgiveness but I’m not convinced it was ever granted to be honest.

Then, I went to another one, this time it was in Mansfield, to watch a team called MAFC who played on the Manor Recreation Ground, I was allowed to watch at that point but I was very much on my own as it absolutely wazzed it down, the pitch ended up becoming a swamp, and I saw my first red card in the competition!

So what is it then?

Simple really, teams linked to religious venues, getting together to play on a Saturday morning, all of whom are based in the East Midlands. Not sure why it’s a specific Saturday morning competition, but like most Saturday morning competitions, it allows the participants to be done by lunchtime and then be free to do what they wish for the rest of the day. I think in some places it caters for those who want to watch professional football, whether that was the case in Derby I’m not sure, you would need divine intervention at times to go Pride Park!

Anyroadup, to explain why we went to this game (Steve was also in attendance), I need to tell you a little story. For a few years now, Notts Senior League sides would arrange pre-season friendlies at a place called Chilwell Olympia, but, for some reason, no one ever seemed to base themselves at the venue. That puzzled me, so I asked the oracle of NSL football, Rob Hornby, why that was. He told me it was because the facilities were used during the season for athletics so no one could have regular use of the football pitches.

Ok, made sense, but then when the NSL released it’s handbook at the start of the season, Trent Vineyard (a club with church links) were showing as using Chilwell Olympia as a home venue. Mmm, we thought, so a little bit of digging around later and it transpired that firstly, that was indeed correct, and secondly, they were putting a team in the Derby Church League this season.

Well, that sorted that one out, Chilwell and churches, we were on our way!

Steve arrived first, and having surveyed the scene he did indeed establish that we had two teams, the aforementioned Trent Vineyard, who if I’m honest, when they first came on the scene I assumed were a team linked to a drinking establishment, and, St Albans, a team linked to a church in Chaddesden.

I was running a bit late, I didn’t get up in time and I mis-calculated how long it would take me to get to Chilwell, which for the uneducated is on the road between Attenborough and Beeston. Anyway, my sat nav stitched me up and tried to get me to drive along a public footpath, so I ended up dumping my car in a cul-de-sac and walking up the said path, much to the surprise of Steve who had spent a good ten minutes on the phone to me earlier explaining the mechanics of how to get into the car park.

Chilwell Olympia is a nice venue, it’s pretty large sports centre for a start with a plethora of pitches set to the rear, the one we watched the game on was adjacent to the footpath that intersected the complex, with a golf course set behind it, Chilwell Manor Golf Club apparently. A pond sits behind the top goal and has been securely fenced off, and then further beyond from that are the buildings that adorn the site, where sports such as badminton, karate, gymnastics and kabaddi take place.

It’s fair to say that a fair bit goes on at Chilwell Olympia, but how did the football pan out?

You know what, it wasn’t high on quality by any means, and after the short prayer that takes place in a ceremonial fashion prior to kick off in the DCL, we were treated to a good honest game where some of the modern day annoyances were distinctly absent.

The visitors were 2-0 up at the break and looked the better side, and they did go on to score five times thanks to Luther Frazier who netted a hat-trick, Jack Scholes and Jon Goodwin. Vineyard battled hard and were rewarded with two goals thanks to a brace from Immanuel Dube. Notably, in the line up for Vineyard was a chap called Peter Miller, now some of you readers will know straightaway who Peter is, some will have no idea.

Peter is a well known ‘Pyramidista’, and each season he a creates a monstrous Excel Spreadsheet charting the promotion and relegation permutations in the National League System. His work is widely known and indeed highly respected, and I have to say, due to the fact that as the season gathers pace he updates it very regularly, it’s something I find myself poring over on a fairly frequent basis.

Anyway, Steve and I agreed that the mornings entertainment had been very enjoyable, played in a great spirit, at a nice venue, but, we had to get back in the cars, which were parked at opposite ends of the complex, only we had game number two to get to……   

Any Given Sunday

Mansfield Lodge Hotel  4  Rifle Volunteer  1

Mansfield Sunday League – Stamper Cup First Round

Admission / Programme – No / No

Remember the other week when I was waxing lyrical about the joys of Sunday League football after a visit to East Leake based Rempstone?

You do, well, let me bring things back down to earth with the harsh, but brilliant reality of Sunday mornings on the local parks of our wonderful Country, and why the other end of the spectrum is equally as much fun, in a different kind of way.

Firstly, Sunday football in the UK is very different to Sunday football in some of our continental cousins homelands. For example, take the Netherlands, a Country I know well, have friends in, and have seen many games in. They have Sunday football, which is equally as good as Saturday football, in fact it’s exactly the same, and the determining factor as to whether you play on a Saturday or a Sunday is religion. You don’t play on both!

In the UK, Sunday football is typically associated with drinking establishments, teams go by the names up pubs, in fact the main Sunday League in Derby is called the Derby Taverners League, I’m not sure whether being a devoted drinker is a pre-requisite of being allowed to play in the said competition or not, but it may well have been at some point!

So, like it or not, in our Country, Sunday football is often referred to as ‘Pub Football’, it does have slightly derogatory connotations, but of course, some pub teams are better than other pub teams. That said, if you want to really insult a Saturday team, call them a ‘Pub Team’ in a public domain and just wait for the backlash!

Mansfield Lodge Hotel v Rifle Volunteer, yes, we have a couple of proper pub teams, playing a cup tie in the Mansfield Sunday League, on Mansfield Racecourse. But why did I go? Simple, did you read the recent Notts Olympic v Buyglass.co Reindeer blog? Well, Mansfield Racecourse is in fact the home of the aforementioned glass / reindeer combo side who were formerly known as FC Mansfield, and, I’d never been before.

Seeing as games were played on the Racecourse on a Sunday, and with it being a short drive away up the A38, I thought I’d while away a wet and windy Sunday morning with a little trip to see a game.

Mansfield Racecourse is the sort of place you would never have heard of, never have seen, or never knew actually existed, unless you’d been to it! To get to it you head out of the town centre on the A6191 towards Rainworth, then on your left hand side enclosed on all four sides by housing is the said venue. It comprises of a few football pitches, a cricket pitch, tennis courts, a kids play area, dressing rooms, and, get this, a pub called the Pavilion!

The pub was shut when I arrived, but thankfully, after fun and games trying to find a parking space due to some kids games going on, I managed to wander onto the facility and spotted the signs of adult footballers carrying nets and corner flags from the dressing rooms down to the very far end where the game was being played.

The pitch was nestled into the very bottom corner, with a path down one side, and then behind the goal and part way down one side was a grass bank that offered elevated views of the proceedings, albeit from a distance away. I took up residence, and waited, waited for the away team to get eleven players on the pitch! At kick off time (11am) they had six, by ten past they were up to nine, and then as another car arrived, by quarter past we had the full quota!

I’ll be honest, the game wasn’t the greatest you will see, on a bobbly surface, taking into account it was a windy day, it was full of effort and endeavour, but not high on quality. That said though, a decent number turned up to watch it, more than had been at Rempstone the other week.

The hosts won 4-0, and by the time the fourth goal went in the visitors had pretty much given up and reduced their efforts to a walking pace. For some, thoughts had turned to the pub and the afternoon session, the Stamper Cup dream was well and truly over for another year!

Pub football at it’s British best, players turning up late, carrying out the nets and the flags, cans of lager being cracked open on the touchline, a fag at half time, a referee that never leaves the centre circle, and of course the obligatory row between team mates which usually ends up with someone being called a ‘fu**ing bell end’ for having the audacity to question someone’s ability or effort. It had all of this and more, and, the same will happen all over again, at the same time next week.

 Sometimes, you can’t take things too seriously in life, can you……

Last Tango

AFC Crossley  6  Leeds Modernians  1

West Yorkshire League – Division Two

Admission / Programme – No / No

Halifax is not a place I am overly familiar with if the truth be known.

Many years ago I made my one and only trip to watch Halifax Town play, it was a midweek night and they were playing Yeovil Town, I went up after work with a mate and we only just made kick off. I’ve also watched a couple of games in the town at lower levels, both of which were on the North side of the centre, and again, both midweek efforts where time was not on my side.

So, other than driving in, and then out again, my experiences of the town where the last tango is a known phenomenon, are zilch!

Another opportunity presented itself to me when it was announced that AFC Crossley had been admitted to the West Yorkshire League. A bit of research told me that they were a Halifax based club, playing at the Ovenden Sports Hub which was on the North side of town. To be far, when I looked on the map it was kind of in between the two other venues I’d visited on that side, namely Natty Lane and Shroggs Park.

Up until now, AFC Crossley have only managed to play a couple of home games, neither of which fell on dates when I was around, so somewhat belatedly, given we are at the end of September, that time had come, a rare Saturday excursion to Halifax!

Domestic duties meant a relatively later departure from Belper (I had to sweep the driveway), so by the time I was dropping off the M62 and heading down the long and winding road, also known as the A58, via Wyke and Hipperholme, it was too late to do anything other than head to the ground. As you enter Halifax though, the A58 is raised above the town and down below you, somewhat tantalisingly are all things cultural, touristy and edible / drinkable. It is quite an impressive vista as you trundle along, helped of course by the old mills that sit down in the valley, a happy one so it seems. I had a thought, but we’ll come back to that later….

AFC Crossley have had a good start to the season and sat in second place in the third tier of the West Yorkshire League. Visiting Leeds Modernians sat one place below them in the table, so I was looking forward to a pretty close encounter.

To get to the ground, you head North (have you worked that out yet?) out of the town and then take a left as you approach Ovenden. Climbing up a hill, the ground is on your left hand side, and it looks very much as though it’s an old community style centre that’s been converted into a sporting hub, with the main railed football pitch at the top of the complex on a plateau, while further down below is a rugby pitch which I believe is used by Ovenden RLFC.

I didn’t really have much of an idea what to expect from the facilities but I was pleasantly surprised that a bar had been developed in the old stone built building, while a more modern dressing room area looks to have been built which adjoins the original building. The football pitch is a short walk away up some steps, and as I previously said, it’s a fully railed enclosure with grass banking on two sides. The view from the top of the banking in the North West corner gives superb views across Halifax to the South and hills to the East that separate the town from the edges of nearby Bradford.

I liked it, and it was while I was waiting for the game to start that I had a thought about Halifax. Firstly, I established it was very much a place that could be visited on the train, at not too expensive a price, and for that matter, the main station in Halifax is not far from either the town centre, or indeed the Shay!

Secondly, noting that the National League season typically extends into May, then a ride up on a Spring Saturday for a nice little day out with a game at the Shay as the focal point, was an appealing prospect. In fact, one could argue that my last tango of 2023-24 season, could well end up being in Halifax!

Romanticism to one side, and swiftly back to reality, how did the game between AFC Crossley and Leeds Modernians pan out?

To be honest, it was far more one sided than I expected it to be. The hosts were dominant from the start and thanks to a hat-trick from Bailey Naylor and a further brace from Ethan Langley, they were always in control and full deserved the 6-1 victory that gave them the three points. Three points that saw them go to the top of the table with five wins and a draw from six games.

New teams in the West Yorkshire League do have a habit of moving quickly through the divisions, especially the stronger outfits from the Halifax, Huddersfield and Harrogate League’s, who perhaps have not gone for promotion earlier due to the increased travelling that would be incurred. AFC Crossley could well be another club to do just that.

So it was a fond farewell to Halifax as I headed out over the raised A58 and up into the hills, until next time, when we can get to know each other so much more intimately.

A last tango indeed……