Stick Insects

Clay Cross Town  3  Ashbourne  0

Derbyshire Senior Cup

“Stick Insects – 4 For A Pound”

It was the sign that stood at the side of the small driveway of a house that sat almost on the junction of the traffic lights as you entered Clay Cross from the South, and for over ten years I passed it almost every working day.

When I landed my first job in Financial Services I was based in Chesterfield, that was in 1999, and up until a change of role which came about in 2012, my daily commute took me through ‘The Cross’.

It didn’t change an awful lot, other than the readily available supply of stick insects, you could get your hair cut at Scissor Sisters, while cheap second hand furniture could be obtained from Pop’s Attic or Jack’s Interiors. Moving further along, T Nutt & Sons could provide you with a carpet whereas if motorbikes was your passion, then CMC Motorcycles was the place to be, situated just before you got to the Snooker Centre on the other side of the road.

Clay Cross has changed a bit since though, firstly a massive Tesco that seems wholly out of proportion to the size of the town has appeared, which in turn has re-routed some of the motorway traffic, while a new pub with purpose built roundabout called the Six Halts has appeared as you leave to the North.

Footballing wise in that time things have changed a fair bit as well.

The Stand

When I were a wee scrote back in the Eighties, it was Clay Cross Works who competed in the Central Midlands League down at the old ground on John Street. I remember seeing them play at Belper Town in a Derbyshire Senior Cup tie in 1983 and they were unlucky to lose 1-0.

I remember the game vividly to be fair because a Clay Cross player broke his leg and was stretchered into to the clubhouse until an ambulance arrived. It was a freezing cold day and he lay shivering on the stretcher while I sat a short distance away, trying to keep out of the cold. I also remember that day because I ended up feeling ill on the way back and finished up honking back at my Grandma’s in Mickleover!

They changed their name to Biwater in 1988, reflecting the change in ownership of the Works that the club were linked to, but in 1994 they seemingly disappeared from senior football.

What A Surface!

Parkhouse Football Club, named after a small area to the East of the town, had been around playing in local football for many years, but first came to prominence with myself in the early noughties when they joined the Midlands Regional Alliance. Playing in the Holmgate area of the town that is as far West as you can go compared to Parkhouse, I first saw them play against Derbyshire Amateurs and was impressed with what they seemed to be building at the Mill Lane ground.

Promotion was earned to the Central Midlands League in 2007, and by 2010 they had reached the Supreme Division and Step 7. Something was niggling away though at the club, and it was a matter of identity. The only links with Parkhouse now was the name, so with a view to creating closer links with Clay Cross itself, and giving the ‘town’ a club of its own, the decision was taken to change the name to Clay Cross Town.

It wasn’t met with universal popularity I’m told, with some of the Parkhouse custodians not being 100% behind the move, but from a profile and commercial point of view it was the right thing to do.

A Great Night For Stick Insects

Clay Cross Town began life in 2012-13, and since then they have made no secret of their intentions to take the club up to Step 6. 2016-17 was a cruel one as they looked nailed on to do it, but then right at the death they were pipped by FC Bolsover who beat them on goal difference to win the championship. They finished runners up again last season, this time to Harworth Colliery, promotion was again denied.  The trouble with the Central Midlands League is that across its two divisions, a large number of clubs both want to, and are capable from a facilities point of view, of getting promotion, so you have to win the league to go up. Whereas take something like the Sheffield County Senior League for example, so few clubs want to go up, you only need to finish top five to do it!

Clay Cross, along with the likes of Pinxton and Hucknall, if anything are victims of geography.

They are very proud of the facilities at Mill Lane. The pitch is an absolute belter, and groundsman Lee is very proud of it, quite rightly so, even if he does have an ’influence’ on local referees when it comes to inspections and any doubt needs to be ironed out!

They’ve done some great work to the facilities, building a small stand, installing floodlights, laying hard standing, creating a pay booth, putting in a committee room and of course running a thriving tea bar! They’ve also always prided themselves on producing an excellent programme, but then I’m going to say that as they’ve published a couple of my articles over the years!

So, with ten league wins from ten games this season, is the side run by local footballing legend Ant Lynam and co-manager Andrew Thornton finally at the point where they are going to get the promotion they both want and deserve? I thought I’d go and have a look, via Batemans Mill for some refreshment beforehand as always, and take in the County Cup tie against Staffordshire County Senior League side Ashbourne.

Shading

Clay Cross won the game 3-0 thanks to three second half goals from Grant Mitchell (really?), Josh Parfitt and Josh Scully, and to be fair they were comfortable throughout against an Ashbourne side that battled hard but lacked a cutting edge to hurt the hosts.

The County Cup is not the priority for Cross, the league is, and this time round I have a feeling they’ll make damn sure that they got that long awaited promotion. Crowds are decent, the club is very well run and they have some great facilities. They’ll be a welcome and worthy addition to whatever league they get promoted into, and that of course is another story!

As a footnote, the Stick Insects aren’t for sale anymore, and haven’t been for some time, but then last Summer something really bizarre happened.

I went to a Beer Festival at Belper Rugby Club, and as I was queuing up to buy a real lager, I looked up at some of the memorabilia behind the bar, and there it was, the sign, which had either been donated or possibly stolen (you know what rugby lads are like on the way back from an away game).

“Stick Insects – 4 For A Pound” – sat proudly on the wall, I bet they taste nice with a pint of Carling…..

The Stand Again

November Air

Mildenhall Town  2  Coggeshall Town  4

Isthmian League – Division One North

“There’s no mistake, I smell that smell, it’s that time of year again, I can taste the air, clocks go back…..”

The opening line from ‘Local Boy In The Photograph’ by the Stereophonics, and while the lyrical meaning of the song means something very different, that introduction just reminds me so much of watching football in November.

We are very much into Autumn, the bonfires are burning and the nights are darker, and yes, it does smell and taste very different, in fact it’s best time of the year to be alive!

Football today was somewhat limited, as my main list at the start of the season of clubs to conquer was down to just four, but, none of them were at home, so attention had to be diverted to the secondary list, which is effectively eighty or so clubs at Steps 1 to 4 that have yet to have the pleasure of a Bobbling!

The Business Side

Mildenhall stood out for me, I’d never seen them play before, nor had I seen Essex based opponents Coggeshall Town. Having driven close to the town on the way down to Suffolk at the end of August, I reckoned I could smash it in two and a half hours, and with a bit of luck have time for a swift one in the clubhouse.

Other than the speed restrictions before Cambridge, and along the North edge of the City on the A14, it was a relatively simple journey listening to the dulcet tones of Frank Skinner, before diverting to a bit of Five Live for the egg chasing build up. Mildenhall was reached almost bang on the time predicted and after initially driving to the wrong entrance at the town centre based ground, I found my way to the large public car park that the club has use of.

Mildenhall is an interesting town, it’s the home of the huge RAF Mildenhall Air Force base, which is largely made up of the US Air Force using it as a refuelling centre, hence a large number of Americans residing in and around the town. However, in early 2016, the Ministry of Defence announced that it was to be close. A stone’s throw away is also RAF Lakenheath, which serves a similar purpose, but here are stationed the F15 fighter wing of the US military, the boys who mean business in other words!

Autumnal

In terms of sport though, football isn’t the premier pastime in the town. The town is famous for its speedway track, located a little way out of the town, where the Mildenhall Fen Tigers ride. To be fair, they did compete at the lowest level last season, the National League, although they did go on to win it. In the past though, they have competed at a higher level, without ever being one of the big names in the sport. In a sport where teams are struggling and tracks are closing, it’s good to see the Fen Tigers thriving.

But what about the football club though?

Founder members of the new First Division of the Eastern Counties League in 1988, they won promotion to the Premier Division in 1999, where they remained until 2016-17 season whereby they won the championship for the very first time, and with it earned promotion to the Isthmian League.

Their first season was something of a struggle with a third bottom finish, but they survived, whereas so far this season it’s still been tough, with the club again sat close to the drop zone three months in.

The ground couldn’t be closer to a town centre, and on one of those lovely Autumnal days, a crowd of 181 turned up to watch the hosts take on a side that is owned and funded by music star Olly Murs.

Town Centre?

With a beer festival in full swing in the clubhouse, I opted for the decent thing and stuck to Carlsberg, while taking the opportunity to survey the scene. Much of the furniture is down one side of the ground, with the dressing room block adjoining the club house and tea bar. In front of the building is a very small area of covered bench seating, while a separate area of covered terracing sits further up the touchline, beyond the end of the clubhouse.

On the opposite side is the obligatory Atcost stand filled with yellow and black seats, while the pitch has a very smart black and yellow fence round it that looks like a recent addition. No other cover is in place, while four floodlight pylons provide the illumination.

It was tidy, it was smart and it was a welcoming ground, but with the pitch having a noticeable slope from end to end, how did the game fare?

Well, Olly’s team got a bit of a shock when the hosts took a third minute lead through Jarid Robson, but by half time it was all smiles for the Essex boys, who have been promoted three times in successive seasons, when Joshua Pollard and Ross Wall got the goals to put them into the lead.

The Atcost

Coggeshall, who had actually been spelt in four different ways in the clubs programme, the correct way, plus ‘Coggershall’, ‘Coggleshall’ and ‘Cogglershall’, looked an impressive side as the second half wore on, getting further goals from Samuel Bantick and Thomas Monk. Mildenhall did add a second through Emmanuel Osei-Owuso, but to be fair, there was no doubting who deserved the three points.

Back into the Mildenhall early evening darkness we trudged at the final whistle, I could smell that smell, I could taste the air, it’s definitely that time of year again, a time when football truly comes into its own.

The best time of the year, no mistake…..

The Ashfield Curse

Ashland Rovers  0  Pinxton  7

Central Midlands League – Floodlit Cup

I’ve come to the conclusion that the A38 corridor from Junction 28 of the M1, through to Mansfield, is jinxed as far as football is concerned.

Sutton Town used to have a cracking ground in the centre of Sutton-in-Ashfield but that was sold to Asda and they moved to Lowmoor Road in Kirkby-in-Ashfield. A Sutton team playing in Kirkby wasn’t the best solution in terms of support so the club changed name to Ashfield United following the involvement of local MP, Roy Gregory. The name change took place in 1992, but by 1997 the club had folded.

A new Sutton Town appeared in 2002, but this time on the back of a club called North Notts FC changing their name. The club were in the Central Midlands League, and moved through to the top flight of the Northern Counties East League, but then dropped back down to the CMFL again, seemingly having folded and reformed. It appeared that this spell saw two versions of Sutton Town, Sutton Town 2002 that reached the NCEL, but the club that started in the CMFL in 2007, was known as Sutton Town AFC. All a bit strange!

They moved back upwards again with a championship and a promotion to the East Midlands Counties League.  They lasted one season at Step 6 and in 2014 folded due to issues over the lease of the ground. Both of these incarnations of Sutton Town, like their predecessors, didn’t play in Sutton-in-Ashfield, they played in Huthwaite at the Mansfield Hosiery Mills ground, which was once used by Huthwaite FC, who had a short lived spell themselves in the CMFL in the late eighties.

A Kirkby Town side appeared in the CMFL in 2008 having previously played Sunday football. They played at a now revamped Lowmoor Road ground in the town, but they folded mid-season in 2011, it was another chapter in the chequered history of Ashfield football.

Then of course there was Oakham United. A club playing at the old Hosiery Mills ground adjacent to King’s Mill Hospital on the border between Sutton and Mansfield, they became founder members of the Midland Counties League in 1975 before moving into the NCEL when the merger took place with the Yorkshire League.

They left the NCEL in 1986 to join the CMFL, and after being runners up in successive seasons in 1993-94 and 1994-95, they went on to win the league in 1995-96 with a fine side. But, that was it, promotion could not be obtained due to the ground inadequacies so the club folded and were never seen again.

I’ve not even mentioned Sutton Trinity who played at a senior level in the Midland Counties League, NCEL and CMFL between 1979 and 1987, but to be fair I know very little about them, including where they played, so that’s one to look up another day.

Kingsway Park

So, for a number of years now, Ashfield has not seen a club playing at Step 7 or above, not since 2014 anyway. But, that has now changed, playing at Kingsway Park in Kirkby-in-Ashfield are Ashland Rovers.

Rovers were promoted from the First Division of the NSL last season to the top flight, But they got a bit of a surprise as they were shuffled sideways to the CMFL, somewhat against their wishes.

I first went to Kingsway Park a few years ago now, February 2015 to be precise to see them play Radcliffe Olympic Reserves. The ground is located just off the main road in Kirkby, turning right just before the Wetherspoon’s, then down to the end of Hodgkinson Road. Kingsway Park is a modest sized park with a children’s play area, a communal building including a café and dressing rooms, and both a floodlit grass pitch and a further floodlit artificial pitch.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

Ashland play on the grass pitch, and the ground is effectively one sided as far as spectators are concerned. A new tarmacked area has replaced what used to be a grass bank, while a new perimeter fence has been erected. The pitch is protected by a tall cage that is usually seen where artificial pitches are concerned, and that was slightly unusual, but clearly not a bad idea when it comes to keeping the local youth off the playing surface.

While this was a cup tie, the clubs respective league positions in the South Division of the CMFL saw the hosts in a mid-table position while visiting Pinxton boasted a 100% record.

Pinxton took the lead in the second minute, and at that point it did look a touch ominous, but to be fair the goal glut didn’t materialise until the second period, amongst which Jay Cooper scored a brilliant individual hat-trick to crown an excellent performance.

Trees

Ashland battled hard, but this Pinxton side is very impressive and will take some stopping this season, so while a 7-0 defeat is heavy, Ashland won’t be the only side on the receiving end of a battering.

More importantly, Ashland Rovers are the current flyers of the football flag for Ashfield. Let’s hope they can survive where others before them have fallen.

New Tarmac

Joey, John and Vitesse Arnhem

Vitesse Arnhem  2  Fortuna Sittard  1

Eredivise

There are certain TV moments that can create playground hysteria, in the sense that from the moment the school gates open, for days afterwards they are both replicated and talked about.

Two particular moments from my Primary School days stand out a mile. The first, and this is not something to be proud of, was the moment Joey Deacon appeared on Blue Peter.  The number of ‘Joey’s’ that suddenly appeared in the playgrounds around the UK must have gone through the stratosphere.

Then of course we had John, John with Tourette’s Syndrome, and I can only imagine that the number of schoolkids reprimanded for spontaneous offensive language must have been be ridiculous. I’m not sure how many Mother’s were greeted with John’s famous line ‘Mum you slut’ either, but slapped arse's would have been very much on the rise after that now legendary programme.

Then of course, you grow up, a bit, and you get to Sixth Form. Vic Reeves was the order of the day, as was the Mary Whitehouse Experience, but, in a small corner of Alfreton, one morning after Sportsnight, we’d found something new, something that for at least week was going to change the way we celebrated goals when playing football!

It would have been the November of 1990 and Dundee United were playing Dutch outfit Vitesse Arnhem in the UEFA Cup. 1-0 down from the first leg in Arnhem, the return in Tannadice saw the hosts get smashed 4-0, but it wasn’t the goals that stuck in the memory, it was the goal celebrations.

I will try to explain.

It works a bit like this, two players run towards each other until side by side, then simultaneously they lean forward with right arm outstretched and right leg raised. The right hand would then grab the right foot of the other player, with the other player repeating the same.

Not exactly in the top ten of goal celebrations, hardly the dentist’s chair or the robot, but, as I walked into the Common Room the following morning, my eyes caught those of Lee Olney’s, and without prompt we said the words “Vitesse Arnhem” and the celebration was replicated, which then happened at regular intervals for the following days and weeks.

When the football weekend first came to fruition, it was the first time I’d ever been over to Theo’s place, which was only a short drive from Arnhem, the home of Vitesse. On our first trip we saw Vitesse beat Heracles Almelo 5-1, and since then we’ve been a further four times, seeing PSV Eindhoven in the Dutch Cup, plus Go Ahead Eagles and FC Utrecht.

Vitesse are a club that have never looked like winning the Eredivisie, despite coming from the biggest City in Holland outside of Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Eindhoven. Arguably, if the likes of Twente Enschede and AZ Alkmaar can win the league, then there is no reason why Russian backed Arnhem can’t.

It’s not likely to happen in the near future though because the club is essentially the nursery club for Chelsea. Each season they have young players on loan from the London giants, last season in fact Mason Mount played for Vitesse, he now plays for Derby County and was recently named in the England squad.

What they do manage to achieve though is qualification for Europe.  The 1990’s saw regular participation in the UEFA Cup, with my favourites Derry City being beaten twice, and two quarter final places being best performances, losing to Real Madrid in one.

The Noughties were a bit leaner but in 2002-03 they did reach the Third Round to lose out to Liverpool, while in 2016-17 they won the Dutch Cup, beating AZ in the Final in Rotterdam. The Europa League has been qualified for five times in the last seven seasons, so if anything they are consistently not quite good enough to win the league!

Having spent the previous evening watching De Graafschap beat Excelsior 4-1, and at the same time witnessing the unveiling of the largest banner ever seen at a football game, which stretched around three sides of the pitch, on the Sunday morning it was time for the last game of the trip, a trip to the Gelredome.

Theo had managed to organise some Business Club tickets, like he had the night before at De Graafschap, which meant a free bar, food, and a lovely cushioned seat! The stadium is impressive, with four large seated stands of a similar design, while it also has a roof on it, although this is never used for the football. The pitch is also retractable, so between games it can be rolled outside the stadium to care for and ensure it gets the maximum exposure to sunlight. Of course, with the stadium also used regularly for concerts, it prevents any undue damage to the playing surface.

The crowd was way below capacity, it can hold over 24,000 spectators but for a Sunday morning game against the newly promoted visitors from the South of the Country, it was only around half full. The atmosphere was also a little muted, again compared to the previous evening where it had been superb.

The game wasn’t the greatest spectacle, Vitesse sat in mid-table while Fortuna were just below them. The opening goal came in the 12^th minute when Maikel van der Werff found the net, and from that point onwards the hosts were the dominant side. However, as the game moved into injury time at the end of the first period and we were contemplating the next free Heineken, Andre Vidigal scored from close range.

The winning goal came in the 66^th minute when the Slovakian Matus Bero found the net, and from that juncture the result was pretty much in the bag. Fortuna just didn’t have the quality to beat the side managed by former Hull City boss Leonid Slutskiy.

It was a sharp exit after the game back to base as the Ajax v Feyenoord game was live on television, which turned out to be an easy home win, while following that we saw Barcelona demolish Real Madrid.

The Football Weekend had drawn to a close once again, and by Monday evening the clothes were in the washing machine. It was time to reflect on another superb week with fantastic company, watching some great football in some great locations.

The goal celebrations weren’t up to 1990’s standard though, sadly…

Go West

Rot Weiss Essen  1  Rot Weiss Oberhausen  1

Regionalliga West

The German Regionalliga West is a fascinating competition, and one of so many contrasts.

Set at Step 4, so in theory one below Liga 3 (the lowest of the national divisions), from a geographical perspective it ranges from Rodinghausen at its most Northern most outpost which is to the East of Osnabruck, down to Bonn in the South. Whereas on the West to East axis it stretches from Aachen, which is on the Holland/Belgium interface, across to Siegen. If you don’t know your German geography, it’s a good size, trust me!

But the variance in clubs is quite interesting as well. Former Bundesliga sides like Alemannia Aachen playing at the 32,000 seater Tivoli Stadium and Wattenscheid 09 grace the competition, whereas the likes of Borussia Dortmund and Borussia Monchengladbach Reserves also compete although not at the main stadiums.

At the other end of the scale you’ve got the minnows like SV Rodinghausen, SC Wiedenbruck and SV Lippstadt who effectively play at what would be typical non-league grounds.

But, half of the clubs have stadiums that can hold over 10,000 spectators. Aachen aside, you’ve got RW Oberhausen that can accommodate 21,000, Wuppertaler SV that can wedge in 23,000 and Kaan-Marienborn that can hold just shy of 19,000 punters.

The one club I’ve not mentioned so far is the one that has fascinated me the most, Rot Weiss Essen, the destination for our Saturday afternoon venture.

Founded in 1907, the club won the German Cup in 1953 and then in 1955 they won the Bundesliga which in turn saw qualification for Europe.  

Their performances slipped after this and relegation to the second tier came in 1961, where they remained until 1966 when they returned to the top flight. They then yo-yo’d between the top two divisions until 1977 when the more dramatic decline came.

Since 1978 the club were moving between the second a third tier but financial issues befell them on several occasions and a real low point came in 2010 when they found themselves in the fifth tier of German football after insolvency saw them have to start from almost scratch. In 2011 they returned to the fourth tier, where they have remained ever since.

Up until 2012, the club played at a 15,000 capacity stadium, called the Georg Melches Stadion, it was remarkable for being the first stadium in West Germany to have floodlights. Post 2012 the club moved into the new 20,000 capacity Stadion Essen, and in that time they have averaged crowds between 6,000 and 8,000, but as recently as 2007 the club were averaging almost 14,000 at home games.

This, is a big club, make no mistake about it! It’s just they’ve had a bit of a tough time, for forty years or so…..!

So when the fixture calendar threw up a local derby against bitter rivals Oberhausen, it was a simply must see game. Any game at Essen would have undoubtedly formed part of our plans as it’s a great stadium to visit, but to get what is effectively the biggest game of the season was a real bonus for us.

We made our enquiries regarding tickets, only to be told not to worry, simply turn up at the game and buy them. No way were they going to fill a 20,000 stadium, and in reality the official attendance ended up being just over 9,000.

Essen is almost exactly an hour from Duiven, and after a confusing conversation with a car park attendant, we managed to find some free parking off of a side road less than a five minute walk from the stadium.

What was quite interesting was the size of the police presence, with a number of them kitted out in full battle armour. Clearly, with noticeable segregation very much in place, the authorities were taking no chances with a game that had potential to turn naughty, quite easily so it seemed.

A large gathering of Essen supporters were outside a bar, and they were attracting much of the police attention. Despite looking like the kind of gents you would definitely let order a drink at the bar before you, whether it were their turn or not, other than the odd crash of glass, it was all seemingly peaceful albeit somewhat tense.

What a superb stadium! Four large modern stands on all four sides of the ground, with one end being purely terracing for home supporters, while the opposite end was split between terracing and seats, and was solely for visiting supporters. The main stand incorporated executive boxes and business seats, while the stand opposite, which we went in, was seated throughout.

Buying tickets was an interesting experience. I wanted to buy three tickets for the central section of the stand which were five euro’s more expensive than in the wings, but the guy kept telling me not to buy them, he was pointing to the wing tickets on the plan. I then tried to explain that we really wanted to be more central, and only then did I get it, he winked at me and said..

“Sir, you need the cheaper tickets”

In other words, sit where you like, no one checks and as the ground is only half full, you’ll have plenty of choice. He was right, and fair play to him for not ripping us off, which he could easily have done.

The atmosphere was quite brilliant, the Essen fans were making one hell of a noise, no doubt fuelled by the endless supplies of beer that were being carried by the crateful to thirsty spectators at regular intervals. And even if you couldn’t be arsed to go and fetch it, a chap was going round with a pressurised backpack filling up your glass if you so wished! It was football and beer heaven!

We chose not to actually take our seats, but like many others we simply went to the back row and stood on the concrete walkway at the very back of the stand. The view was superb, and after the pre-match deliberations, it was time for the game.

Oberhausen sat second in the table behind Viktoria Koln whereas Essen were languishing in mid-table. The first half very much played out as the table would suggest, with the visitors playing the more confident football, moving it around wall and picking the passes. The opening goal came as early as the twelfth minute when Shaibou Oubeyapwa ran through on goal and slotted the ball low past the Essen goalkeeper. However, in a rare attack, the hosts equalised five minutes before the break with a well placed shot from Lukas Scepanik.

The second half was a different story. Essen upped the energy levels and displayed a renewed confidence after the equaliser, and while their football was not as slick as the display the visitors had put on in the first period, it did force the opposition onto the back foot. A second didn’t arrive as Oberhausen managed to keep them at bay, and I guess in the final analysis a point each was probably a fair reflection of the game.

The bulk of the hardcore Essen support behind the goal opted to stay put at the final whistle to salute their heroes with songs about beer, sausage and football (probably), and that gave us the chance to hot foot it back to the car and head for the Autobahn.

It had been a brilliant experience, at a great club, with amazing support and, an awesome stadium.

That probably sums up the Regionalliga West perfectly.

Unlikely Lads

FC Emmen  1  VVV Venlo  1

Eredivisie

As we trundled away from Liege I was increasingly struck by the ‘Frenchness’ of it all.

I very rarely visit France, the last time being back in 2007 when Derry played at Paris St Germain, so my opportunities to take advantage of the five years of GCSE French have been somewhat limited.

I did manage to slip a few words and phrases out during the course of the previous day, but being honest, my languages education was a bit of a disaster, culminating in an incident during a Fifth Year lesson, lead by the great speaker of the Gallic tongue, Jimmy Ward.

You see, Jimmy was a great teacher, but he also had a sense of humour, however what that did do was create an atmosphere whereby students could possibly, at times, take advantage of the situation. It was on one particular day, I was sat next to Claire Croson (who was top of the class – it didn’t help me one bit though!), and as Jimmy was marching round the room speaking in silky tones and asking us to repeat, I chose a different path, I decided that it would create humour by interjecting various swear words in a subtle fashion during the oratories.

Around me one or two were chuckling, Claire was elbowing me, but Jimmy was out of earshot, or at least I thought he was! The next thing I knew was the ‘Tricolore’ text book came crashing down on the top of my head. Jimmy didn’t say a word and simply carried on, those around me chuckled and even I saw the funny side!

Nowadays, I’d tell my Mum and Dad, they’d complain, Jimmy would probably be suspended, then investigated, and probably disciplined. I would be the innocent victim and then my Mum and Dad would probably try and claim compensation for the psychological trauma it caused!

The Next Stop

But this was 1989, it was how schools worked, and while I’m not advocating kids should be whacked over the head with textbooks, not all the time anyway, we are in a nanny state of the highest order nowadays.

Digression aside, that train of thought was with me as we drove back over the border from Belgium to Holland for our first port of call for the day, Maastricht.

Maastricht first came to the fore in our World in 1992, when on the 7^th of February the Maastricht Treaty was signed and the pillars of what is now known as the European Union were put in place and consequently the single currency. Anyway, nearly twenty seven years down the line……….

But what a beautiful City! We parked in the centre and had a wander into the market place where a hearty Croque Madame was consumed, and then beyond that it was a wander down to the river to get some fresh air and take in the scenery. We could easily have spent a day exploring, eating and drinking, but the Football Weekend had to continue so we then jumped back into the car and headed North.

Offices

A brief pit stop was taken at Duiven before we set off on a journey that would take just over an hour and a half to the North of the Country where newly promoted FC Emmen were taking on VVV Venlo.

Talk about unlikely lads, if someone had said to anyone who understands Dutch football that Emmen would be promoted to the Eredivise at the end of last season, you would have laughed at them.

Never in the running for the championship, they finished the season in seventh place and qualified for the Play Offs, and a couple of two legged victories over NEC Nijmegen and Sparta Rotterdam suddenly saw them propelled to the top flight.

So, what this meant was  an 700% increase in attendances, and the securing of tickets far from straightforward as one of the town’s known for being the most boring in Holland, sought solace from their miserableness via the football.

But a couple of online registrations and some fast work meant we’d secured the all important paperwork, and with it came the journey that took us via Apeldoorn and Zwolle, before arriving in the town that sits very close to the German border.

Warming Up

Emmen is a town located in the province of (Royston) Drenthe, and is essentially a Dutch version of a new town. It was primarily built after the Second World War, consequently there is very little in the way of historical landmarks to be seen. Emmen’s notable or indeed only highlights include the Women’s Chess Olympics in 1957, and, wait for it, the opening of a zoo. So, you can see why the football team winning promotion was such a big deal.

We didn’t go into the town, funnily enough, settling for Goodfellas Steak House which was just a two minute walk from the De Oude Meerdijk stadium of FC Emmen. The food was quite superb, and set us up very nicely for the game.

You get two types of football grounds in Holland outside of the bigger names. You get the version that looks like Scunthorpe United, which has typically been built from the early Nineties onwards, then you get the versions that are slightly older than that which essentially are four stands of a similar design, albeit different sizes, on each side of the ground, and that was Emmen!

The main stand was slightly bigger with the offices contained within a building to the rear, while opposite was a full length seated version raised up from the pitch level. Behind both goals were seated stands, with the away fans occupying a section in the North stand.

Great Pylon

It did have proper floodlight pylons in each corner though, something I feel very passionately about, and the more ironwork the better. I like a football ground to resemble a railway shunting yard when it comes to pylons, carrying a real health and safety risk with the temptation for individuals to climb them!

The game wasn’t great to be honest, Emmen have won a couple of games this season but none at home, whereas Venlo have had a better season by their standards and sat in the top half of the table.

Venlo took the lead in 15th minute when Peniel Mlapa finished a straightforward chance, but they gave themselves a problem within four minutes of the goal when Roel Jannsen earned himself a second yellow card for a challenge that was probably more clumsy than late or dangerous.

Venlo changed their style and went defensive, relying on the break, but their resistance was broken in the 65^th minute when Stef Gronsveld equalised. Emmen had a lot of possession thereafter but didn’t have any quality in attack to find the winning goal, whereas the visitors were happy to take a point. 

Take a point they did, but they had to battle for it as Emmen did use the space well and moved the ball around, but organisation, discipline and determination got them the draw in the end.

Escape From Boredom

The Emmen fans went back to their mundane existence in Legoland, while we hit the road. By the time we’d landed back in Duiven I’d driven 360 miles in a day, the longest I’ve ever done. Put into perspective, that was just eight miles more than the journey from Duiven back home to Belper!

Still time for a trip to the pub afterwards though and a well earned pint or two for the driver, the likely lads were back in their natural environment.

The unlikely lads of Emmen need to enjoy it while it lasts, the zoo every other weekend sounds like a very inferior alternative!  

Match Fixing

Standard Liege  2  FC Krasnodar  1

Europa League – Group Stages

We rose from our pits on the Wednesday morning knowing we had a long day ahead, for it was time for what is becoming the almost annual trip to Borussia Dortmund, which in my view is the greatest venue in Europe.

Bobbles Blog has featured Dortmund before, so I won’t go into too much detail, suffice to say that for the first time this season we decided to go into the centre of the City before the game. The National Football Museum was a very interesting experience, especially the sections dedicated to the old East Germany.

Post Museum, which our Dutch friends took little joy from, given the animosity between the two nations, we had a wander into the main square which was full of fans from both Dortmund and visiting Atletico Madrid. It was a superb atmosphere and what the Champions League should be all about, until of course someone decides to light a flare and the local Polizei decide to intervene!

The game was excellent as was the atmsosphere, Dortmund won 4-0 and the quality was significantly better than at the Ajax v Benfica game the night before, which is probably reflective of the respective national leagues.

An early night was had upon our return to Duiven, only we had a long journey to make the following day, and it was me that was driving, for we were on our way to Wallonia, to Liege, to watch the mighty Standard play crack Russian outfit Krasnodar.

Red Army

The Volkswagen Polo made its way past Arnhem and out towards Eindhoven, before dropping South to the historic City of Maastricht. Once past the City famed for it’s Treaty, we were soon over the border into Belgium and the landscape noticeably changed as we drove along the banks of the River Meuse and into the industrial centre that is Liege. The scenery was fantastic, but Liege itself, a French speaking part of the Country is steeped in it’s past. Steel manufacturing was the major source of employment, and looking at some of the properties around the City, wealth came from it.

A quick stop at the ground to buy tickets proved to be hassle free, less than 9,000 attended the last Europa League game in a stadium that holds over 26,000. After that it was time to check into our Hotel and make our way back into town via the local bus service.

Irish Pubs are the lifeblood of the football weekend and as soon as we spied one that looked to be within walking distance of the City Centre, you’ve never seen three men leap from their seats so quickly and pile off of a bus. The Shamrock on Rue Saint Gilles was a perfect pit-stop to plan the rest of the evening.

Maurice's Place

Trip Advisor sorted us out a restaurant called Huggy’s, which in effect was a quite brilliant burger bar serving a great selection of vegetarian options, which all of us skipped over and went straight for the meat options. The helpful staff pointed us in the direction of a Taxi Rank, and it was there where Mr Hatt Senior got into an altercation with a chap who decided to try to climb into the taxi that we’d already commandeered. No violence of any note ensued, but he did seem to move very quickly indeed from the back seat to the pavement!

Our Taxi driver was under instructions (mine) to drop us off where two pubs sat, less than five minutes form the stadium, which he duly did. The Sclessin area of Liege is not the most appealing part of the City, but the pub we found ourselves in certainly was appealing in the build up to the game as Standard fans and the odd Krasnodar bod turned up for refreshments. It wasn’t the warmest night but when a Krasnodar fan turned up in shorts it did raise a few eyebrows, but then I guess when you live close to the Black Sea, just North of the Georgian border, cold weather is not a major concern to you.

Suitably imbibed, and with a very modest crowd expected, we didn’t rush to the Stade Maurice Dufrasne which was only a five minute walk away. The stadium, named after some chap called Maurice, reminds me very much of the Valley home of Charlton Athletic.

A steep three tier stand clad and seated in red sweeps from behind the Southern end, all along the West side and round to the Northern end. It looked pretty impressive, even more so if it swept the whole way round, but it didn’t, and the side we had seats on was a two tiered stand-alone structure, which looked considerably older than the rest of the ground.

 A Bookie's Worst Nightmare

Belgian football is currently going through a period of controversy, all due to allegations of match fixing that have resulted in numerous arrests in the past month. Many top flight clubs have been implicated and Standard Liege are one of those clubs. What the outcome of this will be remains to be seen, but it’s certainly a major talking point.

On the back of this, our friends back in the Netherlands were more than happy to bombard us with banter once they realised where we were, the best text being

“Can you find out what the final score will be so I can have a bet on it?”

Theo had a bet, he had a tenner on Krasnodar winning 2-1, the odds were very generous, but were Liege going to play ball and meet his requirements?

Well, it certainly looked like it in the first half where the away side were well on top, playing much the better football and carving out chances. They took the lead in the 39^th minute through ‘Ari’, and at that point 2-1 was still on…..

It was even more on two minutes after the break when Renaud Emond equalised, so all we needed now was for the Russians to grab that all important bookie-beating winning goal.

Krasnodar lobbed everything at it, and you got the feeling the goal was going to come very late in the game, just to keep the punters on edge, and guess what?

The goal finally did arrive, in the 93^rd minute it was 2-1…..to Standard Liege?

A very unlikely win based on the quality of the two sides on display, and if Liege wanted to prove to anyone that they aren’t bent, then this game was a great example.

So, we now had to plan our next move, and given the fact we’d spent a fair few Euro’s down at the local pub we decided to revisit and see if the lads behind the bar would book us a taxi, which they duly did, giving us an hours ‘reflection’ time post match.

We reflected well.