Sex & Danger

Berwick Rangers  4  Dalbeattie Star  0

Lowland Football League

Admission / Programme – £10 / £2.50

“I wanna be a Berwick Ranger, I only live for sex and danger….”

Apparently it’s a chant that has been heard over the years at the Shielfield Park home of Berwick Rangers, and indeed once featured on an episode of ‘They Think it’s All Over’.

Is it actually true or was it made up for comedic effect? Who knows, but having travelled through the City where fornication and adrenalin trumps football and beer every time, for a few years now I’ve always fancied paying a visit.

It’s works party season, and our colleagues in Scotland decided to host ours on a Friday in Glasgow, which meant a pertinent look at the Saturday football fixtures was in order. It seems it’s not that easy getting back to Derby after a game in Glasgow on a Saturday night, which surprised me a little, so I was left with heading a bit closer to the border, or indeed just over the border.

One game stood out a country mile for a couple of reasons, one, it was on the direct train line and I could easily split my journey back without any inconvenience, two, I could actually get back and into the house without Mrs H sending out a search party, and three, it would scratch an itch I’ve had for many years.

Berwick Rangers v Dalbeattie Star, it had sex and danger written all over it………

So, a little bit bleary eyed, myself and a couple of colleagues boarded the train at 10am in Glasgow, had a little trundle over to Edinburgh, grabbed a coffee and then jumped on the next available choo choo that was heading down the East coast.

Berwick was arrived at just before midday, I bade farewell to my fellow travellers who were exiting at Newcastle and Chesterfield respectively, and with rucksack on back, left the station and headed into the town.

Berwick Upon Tweed is a beautiful place, it has to be said, the Royal Border Railway Bridge (designed by Stevenson) over the Tweed is a majestic and iconic structure, while the town itself is definitely unspoilt by the ravages of time. A short walk takes you down the main street before taking a right turn towards the Royal Tweed Bridge that takes you over the river to Tweedmouth. Just before the bridge was my first destination, The Leaping Salmon, a former JD Wetherspoon house that is now belonging to someone else.

Having not had chance for breakfast due to a bit of a lie in, it was time for some fodder and a couple of ‘hair of the dog’ latch lifters. It became apparent via social media that a few other people had also chosen to partake in a pre-match entertainment in the same venue, notably the guys from ‘Hoppers Guide’ who I have to say have since done a superb blog on the town, the game and the day out.

Suitably re-enlivened and fed, it was time to take a walk over the bridge and take in the wonderful views of the area. It was a slightly cloudy but fine day, so I took my time wandering to the South side of the river, admiring the vista, and also soaking up the fact that the day was something of a bucket list day as far as I was concerned.

Once over the bridge you head left, follow the road down to the Chinese takeaway and then do a right back under the railway bridge. A couple of hundred yards further along the road is the entrance to Shielfield Park, with a long driveway down to the ground and indeed the ‘Black & Gold’ social club which was to be my next port of call.

A few folk were in the bar already and the barman was busy trying to ‘build’ the Christmas Tree, but having grabbed his attention, a pint was soon in hand and the memorabilia on the walls could be scanned. Now then, Shielfield Park isn’t all about Berwick Rangers, far from it, it’s also the home of Berwick Bandits speedway team, and the bar was very much weighted in favour of the chaps on the bikes.   

It suddenly dawned on me that I’d experienced no sex, or indeed any danger (more on that later), so with about half an hour before kick off it was time to head to the turnstiles and see what sort of debauchery could be had inside the ground.

What an old school beauty Shielfield Park is, you enter at the top end, a club shop sits to your left as does a tea bar, and then as you cast your eyes across the vast expanse you have a seated stand for over a thousand punters on the left hand side with the club offices and such like to the rear, while on the opposite side is an area of covered terrace. Of course it has a speedway track around it and one end is out of bounds, but what a belter, I’d just found the sex bit, just needed the danger now…..

Right, history time. So, unless you have been living in a different universe, you will be aware of the fact that Berwick Rangers were an English club playing in the Scottish League. The club affiliated to the Scottish Football Association in 1905, and in 1955 joined the Scottish Football League. Of course, they will forever be in the history books thanks to a famous day in 1967 when they beat Rangers 1-0 in the Scottish FA Cup. It was a seismic result, watched by a record crowd of 13,365, but the cup run eventually came to an end at Hibernian.

If we are being honest, success has not been overly forthcoming since, financial woes and ownership issues have blighted the club, and then, at the end of the 2018-19 season they lost the play-off against Cove Rangers 7-0 on aggregate and left the ranks of the SFL.

So now they sit in the Lowland League, and if we are being brutally honest, a short term return does appear to be likely.

A crowd of around 250 rocked up for the game and to be blunt, playing against bottom of the table Dalbeattie who themselves had endured a tidy journey from West to East, it ended up being a game that Berwick won at a canter.

Berwick, sat in mid-table, set off positively and took the lead in the eighth minute when skipper Jamie Pyper slotted home unmarked. Liam Buchannan then made it 2-0 from a one on one situation, while pretty quickly after the second, it was three when Cammy Graham got on the end of a Lewis Allan cross.

The first half wasn’t over though, Buchannan got his second and Berwick’s fourth in the 36^th minute when he prodded one home from close range, the game was over, it was just a case of how many?

The second half ended up being a bit of a damp squib, not much in the way of chances and Berwick were hardly going full throttle to break any goalscoring records. It was very comfortable in the end, and with the darkness descending on Shielfield Park, it was time to move towards the exits.

It’s about a mile and a half walk back to the station, but with the Christmas lights on the Royal Tweed Bridge it was a very pleasant walk, but then as I closed in on the station, something quite alarming occurred.

In front of me were two women, one of whom was beyond worse for wear, they were stumbling about and with the more sober of the two getting increasingly annoyed, the scene was a bit fractious. Then, suddenly, the two of them, linked together, lurched into the road and the significantly more inebriated one fell backwards and hit her head on the tarmac.

I quickly went over to check the situation, she was conscious, but not making much sense, and with the other woman not in a great state, it became quickly apparent that I might well have a problem on my hands. A taxi pulled up and the driver, who had seen the incident, got out to assist. After a few minutes we managed to get the stricken women off of the road and into a doorway.

Miraculously she wasn’t bleeding and despite our pleas for them to call ambulance due to the severity of the blow, we were met with a point blank refusal. In the end, with a train due, I chose to leave them but it had been an unpleasant incident to witness, and on another day, the outcome could have been far worse. But, Berwick and danger?

The trains were on time, I spent the journey from Leeds to Derby with a chap asleep on my shoulder, and then with the last train back to Belper having already departed, it was a taxi back home and straight to bed.

A brilliant day, a great club, a lovely town and a cracking afternoon at Shielfield Park. Sex and danger, yeah, I get it, I got it, and for the 250 hardy souls that follow the Wee Rangers, they get it every week, lucky bastards!