Swarfega & The Banger

Chertsey Town  7  FC Romania  0

Isthmian League – Division One South Central

Me and my old mucker Derek were just coming into Staines-On-Thames when he decided to tell me a story involving a tin of Swarfega (made in the fair town of Belper you know!)

It appears as a youngish lad, when living in the locality, he was driving his Mother’s Austin A30 along Staines High Street when one of his prankster mates thought it would be a good idea to stick a banger into a tin he kept in the back of his car (for hand cleaning purposes he claims).

Anyway, he lit it while they were driving, and off it went, causing quite a scene on the High Street, but not only that, the clean-up operation was something of an ordeal for Derek as green sticky stuff dripped from the car roof onto his head. Don’t suspect Mother was too impressed either……

I was still chuckling at the story as we went past Thorpe Park and found our way down Alwyns Lane and into the car park at Chertsey Town. I’d got Chertsey on the radar this season, and with Derek having spent many a happy Saturday at the ground in the mid-sixties, we decided to pair up for a visit.

Not only would it be a new ground for me, it would give Derek another chance to have a trip down memory lane, when the ladies from the local army base were free and relatively easy on a Saturday night!

Chertsey are new to the Isthmian League this season, after having had a superb campaign last time around, with a Combined Counties League Championship and FA Vase double, thanks to a fine victory over Cray Valley PM at Wembley.

It’s not always been like that though at Alwyns Lane as a look at the record books suggests.

They made the familiar moves up through the Spartan League in the Seventies, into the Athenian League, before pitching up in the Isthmian League in 1986. They’ve moved up and down the Isthmian divisions like the proverbial yo-yo’s, having been in the Premier Division for a couple of seasons in the mid-Nineties. While the promotion they gained from the CoCo last season was the second time they’ve bounced back in recent years after relegation from the Isthmian.

They’ve never gone beyond the qualifying rounds of the FA Cup, and prior to winning the Vase, their best run had been to the Fifth Round. So, in summary, steady rather than spectacular, but right now, from the moment you walk into the ground you sense the club are on the brink of something big.

Talking of big, the game against FC Romania was to see pupils from three local schools invited as guests as a thank you for their support last season, it was to end up with the club getting their biggest gate of the season so far with a touch shy of 400 pitching up to watch the encounter.

Having grabbed the last spot in the tight car park, which is right on the edge of the smart town centre, we made our way through the turnstiles and were warmly welcomed. Having made our way to the bar, with the Vase and the CoCo Trophy on display, we were once again welcomed as we sampled some of the local fayre, when I say local, I know Becks isn’t brewed in Chertsey, but if it’s served locally then it’s local enough for me!

The ground at Alwyns Lane is a lovely old non-league ground, with an imposing seated stand sitting adjacent to the club house, with the dressing rooms to the opposite side of the stand. Running from the club house to the corner flag is some uncovered terracing which continues behind the goal, albeit it is covered for the width of the pitch. The tea bar sits behind the terracing to the rear of the goal, and the hot dogs are to be highly recommended.

Further terracing extends down the side opposite the main stand, with cover over two thirds of it, while a smaller area of cover sits behind the far goal.

The pitch was in superb nick, despite the heavy rain of the previous twenty four hours, and all was set for an intriguing encounter which could have seen Chertsey go top of the league if results went their way.

I have to say, the hosts put on something of a master class and lead 4-0 at the break. Lubo Guentchev (Son of Boncho) had scored twice in the first four minutes before Jake Baxter made it 3-0 after just ten minutes played. FC Romania battled hard and had a couple of chances to score but with ten minutes remaining until half time, Andrew Crossley had made it four and the game was effectively over.

At half time I had a quick chat with the Chertsey Chairman who talked about the positive feeling at the club on the back of last season, and he confidently predicted they would win the game by seven or eight goals……

Jonathan Hippolyte made it 5-0, Baxter got a second to make it six, while Crossley got his second and Chertsey’s seventh in the last minute. It had been a clinical and superb display of confident and attacking football, some of the best I’ve seen this season in close on sixty games.

Both of us thoroughly enjoyed our day out at a great club with a fantastic future ahead of them if they can tap into the enthusiasm, and the continue with the momentum they’ve currently got. Their support is vocal and passionate, and it’s clear to see the bond between the players and the supporters.

The journey back was a tricky one given the arrival again of the heavy rain, but we still made it back to Nottingham for 7.30pm. I guess it was nowhere near as tricky as driving down Staines High Street with an explosive tin of Swarfega though?